Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
