Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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