id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
