My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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