3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
