well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
