Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
