I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
