It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
