Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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