I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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