we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
