There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
