You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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