My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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