I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
