Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
