I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
