i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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