so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
