I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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