Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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