I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
