and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
