nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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