I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
