I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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