I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
