saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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