i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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