I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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