we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
