ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
