My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
