sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
