I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
