Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize