why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
