just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
