you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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