well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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