Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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