I wish I only lived at night.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
