Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
