in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he puts the penis in happiness.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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