so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
