well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Randomize
