I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
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