the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
