My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize