based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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