I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
