Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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