No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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