My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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