So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
