we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
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I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
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I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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