Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
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