What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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