Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
