dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
