and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
