hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
