They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
