i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
